As I write this, I’m on vacation at the beach. It’s sunny and warm, and from where I’m sitting I can hear kids play, and I’m oh-so-joyful that I don’t have any. But here is the problem: We’re staying in a rented condo, and I couldn’t figure out the TV. Dish TV, Direct TV, HD TV, this all sounds very impressive, but frankly, it’s just complicated.
There is a flat screen in every room except the bathroom, although I’m sure if the owners could have found a spot to put one, they would have. Some of the TV’s have three remotes that go with them, and some only have one. Not sure what that’s about. But I tried one of the tri-remotes in an attempt to get the TV in my room to turn on…
It made a noise. That sounded promising, but nothing showed up on the screen. I picked up another remote. Pushed ‘Power,’ and heard a noise. Ok, promising again, and this time something appeared on the screen.
'No Signal.' Well that wasn’t quite what I wanted to see, but maybe if I tried the final remote that would answer some questions. I push ‘Power’…
Nothing. No noise, no secret message. Clearly this remote was useless. Maybe it was for the remote controlled curtains. Perhaps the garage door is going up and down as I stand here pointing and clicking. I grow afraid. I decide to give up on the bedroom TV.
The living room TV holds more promise since this only has one remote. It’s the size of a dinner plate and looks like something from
Buck Rogers. There’s an LSD screen on it that’s so big that for a second, I wonder if this
is the TV. I press ‘On.’
Oooh. I see secret messages on the LSD screen asking me if I want ‘Cable,’ ‘Dish,’ ‘Satelite,’ or ‘Games.’ ‘Cable’ sounds good, so I select that.
<Gasp!> The TV is on! It’s tuned into some obscure cable channel (this is what the owners watch?) but the channel up and down buttons work like channel up and down buttons! Hazzah!
I tune into
So You Think You Can Dance. I wonder why the dancers are all so…squat and stocky. And why even the lovely and tall Cat Deeley looks like she’s thick-waisted and 5 feet tall. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) I realize it’s because I’m watching on a wide screen. Whoh, TV is not meant for wide screen. Cat Deeley and all these dancers should sue. I don’t know who they’d sue, but someone.
But I really don’t care. I’m just glad that I’ve figured out the TV. Because sometimes that’s the worst part about vacation – either the TV is too complicated, not complicated enough (think antenna) or your family makes cracks about watching TV while on vacation. There is nothing wrong with watching TV while on vacation. Truthfully, I’d rather surf channels instead of waves.
