Veronica Mars Season 3 premiere

Veronica Mars – Minute by Minute

By Scott Widney & Karen Woodward

Hey kids! Supercritic Scott Widney and the similarly Veronica Mars-obsessed (but not quite as super – who is?) [hey!] Karen Woodward here with our meticulous real-time review of Veronica’s season three premiere. Follow along at home for at least, like, 3/2’s the fun! Spoilers ahead (duh):

12:37

Scott: Veronica puts the smackdown on her smarmy prick of a criminology T.A. Dude is every T.A. I ever had in college.

Karen: I think that guy IS one of my TA’s in college.

4:00

S: Worst. New Credits. Ever. I don’t know what show these are for, but I want no part of it.

K: Since you prepared me for it, I wasn’t quite as shocked and awed. But I loved the originals, even sat through them every week instead of flipping the channel, so yeah, I miss them. And you can’t really see people in them because it’s so dark. Except Mac. She looks great. Jason Dohring, second billing. Go Logan. Hopefully this means they’re writing him a cool storyline. I don’t want him to just be V’s awkward boyfriend.

8:56

S: “Backup’s in charge? What about the bitch he’s been seeing?”

K: Backup’s back! Who took care of Backup while V and Keith were in New York? Speaking of their New York trip, what was that Chrysler Building vs. Empire State Building exchange about?

S: Backup vs. Vincent from Lost – who would prevail?

K. Backup of course. Look at Vincent’s owners.

9:06

S: Wallace meets his roommate, the likeably goofy but unfortunately named Piz (Chris Lowell). Wallace funny.

K: Wallace funny, Piz a dork. And not in that “awww” kind of way.

S: What can I say? We dorks support our own. The hopes and dreams of dorks everywhere rest on you, Piz – don’t let us down.

10:52

S: Veronica hits Piz like a sack of hammers. Guy never had a chance…

K: See above. I realize we’re supposed to like this guy but I don’t know if I can get past the hair.

13:55

S: Who is this guy getting out of jail? Why is he getting into a car with Keith? What’s going on?

K: Is that Casablancas Sr? Have we found out yet why Keith didn’t meet V at the airport? I wish I had Tivo.

S: Maybe it’ll make more sense to people who haven’t seen the show before.

K: Way to cater to the fans.

15:34

S: Dick Casablancas (Ryan Hanson) enters stage right. Good stuff.

K: I miss Beaver. I know he was a killer and all, but still. Hey, did you see him on Cold Case last week? He was great. I think Ryan Hanson is a good actor, but I find Dick a little tiresome.

S: What can I say? Dude cracks me up – who didn’t go to school with someone like Dick?

K: I work for a Dick.

18:53

S: The LeBaron – nooooooo!

K: The LeBaron! Yes!

S: Sorry, but there’s just something about a girl who drives a beater, and who could perform repairs on the fly! On the other hand, there’s nothing remotely sexy about a girl who drives a Saturn. Hope they got their money’s worth on the Neptune/Mars/Saturn joke.

K: Wait, did I miss something? Is V driving a Saturn? I wish I had Tivo.

19:36

S: Officer Saks is played by a different actor now, I swear. Don’t let the moustache fool you.

K: That’s totally the same guy, what are you talking about?

S: No way. It’s a different guy – you’ve been fooled by the moustache.

K: I wish I had Tivo.

25:38

S: Dick and Mac have words. Cruelty (“You were just his beard”) and hilariousness (“College has got me plum flustered!”) ensue.

K: Does this mean that Beaver was gay? Or is just a reference to the fact that he was taking it ...well, you know, by Woody? Poor Mac. Did you see her standing forlornly in her doorway while Dick chewed the scenery? Sniff.

S: I don’t think Beaver was really gay, but such distinctions are undoubtedly lost on Dick. Love his country bumpkin schtick though.

26:45

S: Are those Duncan’s clothes Veronica lends Piz? Wouldn’t that be interesting…

K: That’s exactly what I thought! Or it might have even been that horrible shirt that Logan wore to the carnival last year. Seriously they had to have been either Duncan or Logan’s.

S: Wow, you remember clothes from previous eps? You’ve got problems. But seriously, as dorks go, I already like Piz more than Duncan. ‘Cus you know, when you’re filthy rich, there’s no just no excuse. Thank god he’s history – errr…I mean, raising his child, like, on a beach somewhere…

K: Duncan wasn’t a dork, he was a tool. And yes, I remember clothes from previous episodes. Clearly I need help.

28:27

S: Says Wallace in defense of his half-hearted hackey sacking whilst ogling bikini-clad coeds on the quad: “It’s a white man’s sport.”

K: Pathetic.

S: Don’t hate the playa Karen. I just think it’s funny they thought they needed a cover story.

34:27

S: Logan to his erstwhile competition: “Nice shirt.”

K: See? It’s Duncan’s shirt. Either that or Logan recognizes it from his Goodwill donation.

S: Pretty sad, but I know I’ve been there. Piz, I feel your pain – stay strong buddy!

K: Piz, there is nothing remotely sexy about you, Argyle or not.

37:10

S: “[A]bove her suggestion box and tip jar.” I’m declaring a tie between this and “It’s a white man’s sport” for best line of the night.

K: I loved this line. Tee hee. I knew a Parker in college.

S: I also, ahem, knew a Parker in college. ‘Cept her name was Michelle. Good times…

39:00

S: Ruh roh. Guess it’s Vinny to the rescue – always fun.

K: Are you sure that’s the same actor?

S: Nah, I mean Vinny bugged Keith’s bag and, luckily for Keith, is presumably following him out there.

40:16

S: “I messed up bad.” Is this a general statement from Dick, or alluding to something specific?

K: That’s what I’m wondering. I don’t think he’s the rapist. Just watch – he’ll redeem himself this season.

41:20

S: Like, say, that.

K: Huh? Dude, you’re cheating because you have Tivo.

S: No Tivo, just went back to the link. How else would my timeline be so awesomely precise?

Conclusion

S: Pretty strong season opener. Writing was sharp, Kristen Bell had the charm going full blast, and the transition to college was handled fairly seamlessly. Aside from the credits and Veronica’s new soccer mom auto, I’m on board.

K: Of course I’m on board. One question though: Where was Weevil?

S: Maybe Veronica could be his mentor! Big laughs I tell ya, big laughs.

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